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readwritepoem prompt: start a poem with the line when I watch you
…
when i watch you, you grimace and stick your tongue out. you give me the middle finger. you pull your collar up around your mouth. you stare back, determined to win this contest. you turn your face slightly to the right so i can only see your profile. you slowly lower your bra strap. you reach your hand down my sweat pants. you kiss the corner of my lips, watching me until the closeness blurs me from you.
“what do you see?” you ask. you point to the chicken pox scar on your forehead, which i kiss; your curly hair, which i stroke; the slightly forward way your shoulders arch, which i envelop.
“i see you, leaving and returning to me. shy, brave, sad, joyful little flashes of you; i love them all,” i say.
you blush, and turn off the light.
“now what do you see?”
“you happy. i can hear your smile.” i trace the curves of your lips in the dark with my fingers, and hold you close until you pull away.
“and now?”
“you scared to be happy for too long.”
–lissa
You can really capture a moment. The back-and-forth play of attention in various forms is perfectly described.
The wonder of this is that line ‘you happy. i can hear you smile.’
Perfect.
Good poem lissa…I have used writing prompts when teaching poetry. I do this because most students need a place to start as they complain–I have nothing to write about. I am not sure why you would use them–is it for a challenge? Not trying to be critical–Just wondering
i think i do it for the opportunity to write something that i might not have otherwise. also, i like seeing how completely different everyone’s poem is from each other even though we all start with the same prompt. it does remind me of class. i miss my creative writing classes.
i really enjoyed this,, as it displayed a quiet honesty,, what you percieve another would see,, how very opaque we feel at times….
A nice, physical piece. The movements are captured in all their subtlety.
As far as prompts go, they can kickstart something unexpected. Face it, we tend to get in ruts, and prompts challenge us to go beyond what is constantly percolating yet perhaps growing stale in our mind . . .
Lissa. Seriously. You’re incredible.
I feel like I already know this person by virtue of a few lines.
So sweet and softly sexy. Playing with butterflies again? Their (your?) interplay really defines a relationship with subtle detail and with very few words. One gets a real sense of tenderness and playfulness and intimacy. Very cool.
So glad you have returned, but I know the
butterflies miss your sweetness. This poem
is like the pulling in of everyday sightfulness,
seeing what is taken for granted.
intimate and revealing… yet ..you scared to be happy for too long…. in the dark that’s heaven…
This has such a voice. Tender, authentic, lovely.
This line: “you happy. i can hear your smile.” = perfect.
lissa, a wonderful, open, human, earthy poem. I love how true and real the characters are. Really nice.
i too really responded to the line “hear your smile”
nicely detailed!
Ah, love the little details in here: bra strap, the finger, chicken pox scar, shoulder’s arch.
Lovely, intimate, beautifully observed…