hi!

i love the winter. the walks i take wrapped in her arms with only my bundle of layers separating us. the soft creaking she makes against my shoes as if she feels as old and weary as i often do. i wonder how early on life taught her to set boundaries to her level of openness. she gives but never for too long before her numbness starts to trace its way through you.

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happy holidays. after this i have to gift wrap my christmas presents. i have no boxes or wrapping paper. :sigh: but i have lots of whole foods’ paper bags…hmm. i also have to send my christmas holiday cards out. tsk tsk. i’m so bad. if lateness is a sign of repressed anger and passive-aggressiveness, what is constantly waiting until the last minute to accomplish things mean? probably the same, right? ugh. thank god i do so much yoga.

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this picture is gorgeous… a bit dizzying but stunning work.

memo # 33 about forgetting him:
you’ve created a picture of him like that in your mind. you’ve thought of him so many times that he’s something like a mystical creature. he has muscles like a tree limb and his breath scatters butterflies through every vein in your heart. his laughter is wind chimes — haunting and perfect in pitch. but really though? what did he smell like? what did it feel like when he touched you? i should have painted him into the landscape so that he wouldn’t become larger than the sun for you. i want you to see him again. i want you to eat up every detail like a vulture and walk away disgusted to realize that he is just a boy whose laughter cannot fill rooms and whose touch takes rather than gives.

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oh how i missed this, you, so.

–lissa